By day I pilot an IT helpdesk and one or two nights a week, I take orders and such for a catalog company. During the holidays the hours increase but its only for a four week period and its worth it in the end. But during my time in such a position I have many a tale to tell. I am thinking of sharing them here but it is a tough decision because there are those horror stories of someone being fired for discussing their job on line. While I believe the likely hood of a hire up actually making it to my grain of sand on the beach of the Web 2.0 it does give me pause. So for now I will give you some healthy tips on what not to do when ordering over the phone. Should we meet in person I shall weave you a grand tale...or put it in a book and sell lol.
1. If you are ordering over the phone please please and did I mention please do not read numbers off in pairs. What I am refering too is the common practice of instead of reading a number like 5 3 4 2 1 2 0 1 like "5" "3" "4" etc it is read as "53" "42" "12" "oh 1" honestly this is not a football game and you are not a quarter back calling for a hike. While this may seem like it makes things easier it can make the person inputing the number pause in their typing and slow them down.
2. WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE DONE EATING BEFORE CALLING. Seriously you can wait the extra minute or two it takes to shove your third piece of Apple cake down your pie hole BEFORE calling. Same goes with Candy, Fruit, hell just about any thing that will cause you to make a smacking sound while talking...just finish before you call. I can't tell you how many times I get "Yeah ...
3. HAVE YOUR ORDER READY. I don't care if this is the modern age where you can drive with your gentals while drinking you cafe mocha lot a fraking starbucks in one hand and receiveing a car fax in the other while on the phone with me asking for a shirt that needs to be monogramed over nighted by friggin concord jet to be delivered by tomorrow morning before asscrack of dawn because you forgot it was Easter. You don't have an item number, where you saw it but you knew it was blue and had buttons on it. Really wait before you get in the car or until you get home. That extra 20 mins or hour commute will not make much of a difference and you will be less likely to hit the car in front of you being driven by the guy who was watching porn on his small flat panel tv in his front seat while texting his girlfriend and tossing back a Bud Light.
This leads me to tip 4
4. OK everyone CHRISTMAS IS ON DECEMBER 25th EVERY FRAKING YEAR....and so is your childs birthday and your parents anniversary. I understand it can be confusing because that number date can land on a different named day like Monday or Tuesday or Caturday but it hasn't changed. Check a calendar. Why is this important because again you get someone who wants santa to fill his reindeer up with twelve cups of coffee and a case of Red Bull to get the gift they need to them by christmas...and your calling on Dec 24th. Or you need the birthday gift by tomorrow. Folks we have many calendars at our disposal, you can set your e-mail to remind you everyday a week before it occurs, if you don't know how ask a tech guy we would be happy to help. OR postit notes or here is a novel idea, why not set up a reminder on your phone. That way while your texting your friend in hawaii while you drive through a blizzard you will realize that the important day is coming up soon and you need to get that gift placed. Course you will have to make a small gift this year after paying for the accident that occured while telling your friend Aloha.
5. NO POOFDAs
OK so you can tell it hasn't been good day. Which means I am in a perfect mood to give you todays review from the b-horror world.
Any way on the chopping block today.
Johnny Sunshine
And now it is not a story about a happy go lucky guy named Johnny Sunshine who decides to go on a cross country trip to his grandmas cottage in Alaska. Along the way teaching everyone to see the world in a brighter light and solving the problems of everyone he meets. No its rather the name of a Rather attractive Zombie slaying drug addict who makes torture, porn, snuff short films for a company Max Productions during a post apocolyptic world where Zombies are everywhere.
Between this movie Bachelor Part at the Bungalow for the Damned And Bloodsucking Babes from Burbank I think Brain Damage pictures owes me about four hours of my life back.
Seriously why do these independent Underground Low Budget movies feel they have to take it to the next extreme level in order to be an "Underground" movie. Look I will say this that the audio was decent and the picture quality was good. The F/X were ok and the women were easy on the eyes. But even with all of those elements you need a decent story which this movie lacks.
It was almost as if the creators thought of all these cool torture porn scenes but needed a way to put them together in a story form to justify making them. Really I know I seem to jsut be setting my self up for dissapointment with movies from this company but I figured three time is a charm.
Dunno maybe the whole Idea of torture porn is not for me. Or maybe its just the fact that I like a little more coherence in my stories. IF you want to see a hot chick get off while disembowling men and women then go for it. While I comend them for doing alot as far as f/x , audio, video quality and even acting I would have wished they could have came up with a better story. Its a zombie movie that just didn't do it for me. Maybe it will for you but I would say only if you have alot of alcohol readily available. The run down will give you an Idea of what kind of movie your in for.
1 Death by gut stab
1 tongue removal by pliers while having sex
1 Death by wire choking
2 Throats eaten
2 Neck Stabbing
1 sex sceen with zombie with ending head bashing
1 Naked Girl killed by Crowbar sex
1 Zombie Castration by recipocating saw
2 Zombie deaths by being beaten in the head
1 Pipe to the head
1 rape scene
1 Death by Television
While it is the best out of the three movies I have seen from Brain Damage Pictures I would not recommend it for anyone who is not a fan of the EXTREME underground horror movie and torture porn.
PS Bacon Flavored SPAM is GOOOOOOOOOD.
Gives a new twist to the MONTY PYTHON SPAM sketch Eggs bacon-spam sausage and Spam.
2 comments:
I've found that people tend to confuse calling their friends, calling their work friends, and calling other places of business up so that they lack phone manners when they need them. This is why you had to say the things you do.
For instance, when I was at work, I knew if I was talking to one of my buddies, reciting some information on a display as part of an investigation, what I could say to help him understand me or what level of explanation I might need to go to for comprehension. Some people I could rattle off numbers in pairs to, some not. What made the difference was that I KNEW THEM. Calling a business, you DON'T KNOW THEM. Keep it simple, have a clue. For that matter, assume they're idiots until proven otherwise. Some intelligent people do know picture things well in their mind.
Heck, that's why we could remote into someone's computer within the company's network; so we didn't have to rely on someone's description of the problem when we could see it happen.
I'll stop now. Getting excitable.
Er, 'do not picture things well'. Bottom of second paragraph. Doh.
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